The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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