I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
