do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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