Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
