dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
