hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
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