so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
