i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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