we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
