When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
