Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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