What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
