He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
