week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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