I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
