he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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