i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
