i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
