so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
