sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
