Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
