sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
