Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
