You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Green mimosas i think yes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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