I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
