She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So much rum. So many feels.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
