I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
