This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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