apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
