U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even my vagina gasped.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
