Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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