Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
