I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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