i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
