Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
