found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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