Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
