go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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