i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
