Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
