i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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