Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
