She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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