are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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