you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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