yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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