First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
where are you?
Hypothermia
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
