don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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