You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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