Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
