I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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