I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
