he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
